Self-Lovelies! Hey! Can you believe this is the second to last Friday of the entire DECADE?! I’m so excited to see what 2020 has to offer, but more importantly, I’m so excited to see all that my hands will touch in this new decade. SO… Question, in this last year, what have you settled on? Second question… WHY? Sometimes we end up settling on something when we don't see a better option. Let’s dive into this.
I’m going to keep it all the way one hundred with my lovelies, I’ve settled. Especially in relationships. Why? Because of past trauma. I honestly didn’t think I deserved more, so I settled in a lot of toxicity simply because I thought that was all I was worthy of. But honey… I surely and very slowly learned that accepting bad love to prove that I’m lovable is backward and a waste of time. Let me tell you this, you are lovable. And beyond worthy of good love. Stop settling for bad love just to say you have love, or better yet a person. Being in a relationship is honestly overrated and society has put so much emphasis on making sure you have a “person”. I’m low-key fresh in my twenties, and I’m realizing that finding yourself, while adamantly searching for a relationship is exhausting. Don’t burn yourself out trying to fit into society's image of constantly having someone. Girl, learn how to be lonely. Heal from your trauma, stop chasing after these “men” that don’t mean you any good. More importantly, YOU SHOULDN'T BE SEARCHING FOR NO MAN BECAUSE YOU ARE WHAT?? The PRIZE. Okay, my good sis? You are the prize, the treasure. HE that findeth a wife findeth… NOT she. Stop looking and then settling because you get lonely at night. Being lonely is a very good emotion that needs to be talked about more because it forces us to be vulnerable. No one likes to be vulnerable these days. Vulnerability is the most honest version of ourselves. Being lonely allows us to figure out what we want and need without the impact of another person. I’m learning, though very difficult, that being lonely honestly helps me see my true worth, my true feelings, my true wants, and my needs. Being ALONE IS HEALTHY FOR YOU!!!! Especially now! The divorce rate is as high as the sky because people are getting married just to say they’ve got a ring. Instead of taking the time to be lonely and learn how to love themselves. It's honestly not worth it.
"But being lonely hurts... I don't like to feel lonely... How am I supposed to just be okay with being lonely?" Therapy. The biggest thing I’ve learned in therapy is how to feel my feelings without allowing them to completely overtake my mind. It is very hard in the beginning. But it’s a beautiful journey that everyone needs to experience. So many people are out here searching for love to fill voids when that is the LAST thing we should be doing. I say we because girl I been there too. I learned the hardest way and paid the price for it too. Fill your empty voids with true love for yourself and God. Stop trying to fill voids with just anything just to have the feeling of something being there. No. Figure out what the voids are and why they're there. You'll thank yourself for it instead of beating yourself up for allowing something toxic to hurt you again. Love is not meant to be a struggle. The Bible tells us what love is. And nowhere in that scripture does it say, “love = struggle”. You know what happens when we settle for the wrong external love? We love ourselves less because the toxic love that we settled for taints our minds into believing that that’s all we’re worth. So, intern, we damage ourselves more just because we wanted to say we are “in a relationship”. Unacceptable. Stop settling for bad love just to say you have love. Like y’all, I honestly cannot stress this enough. The longterm damage is honestly not worth it, please take it from someone who’s been there, done that, way too many times to count and each time it only gets worse.
2020 We’re not settling for anything. If it doesn’t serve you, dead it. If it isn’t positive, bringing in some money, or genuine GOOD love, it’s a done deal. We’re no longer dealing with things we don’t need to. God did not put us on this earth to struggle all our lives. I don’t serve a God like that. If you are really in need of some love, lean on GOD, search for GOD. Not these humans that barely know what good love even looks like. God is love. Another thing you can run to is Ummm… yourself. I know you saw that coming! We’re investing our love into ourselves! Love yourself and good love will find you! But you can’t just fake it, you have to be fully devoted to loving yourself, and the right way. Which means healing and dealing with your past trauma, learning who YOU are when you’re alone, learning and understanding your feelings, digging up the negative things you’ve suppressed and deal with them, get rid of your toxic traits, and learn your love language so that when a relationship DOES find you, you’ll know exactly what you want and don’t want.
I wanted to say so bad that this was going to be short… I’m not sorry. This needed to be discussed and honestly, this was only the beginning so stay tuned for that part 2 cause sis… settling doesn’t just happen in relationships and love, we settle on everyday things. Just know you are too good to settle on bad love. You are too worthy to accept just any kind of love. You deserve good, wholesome, genuine love. So don’t settle on anything until you have exactly what you want and deserve. I think that’s all for today. Stop settling.
W. Love,
Noelle
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