Hi lovelies! It’s been... way too long. Before you ask, yes my hiatus will be discussed throughout this letter. With all the craziness that’s going on in the world today, I think today’s topic holds a certain level of importance to any and everyone that reads it. I’m a firm believer in the phrase, “if the shoe fits, wear it” And today, this shoe fits everyone. Let’s dive right in, shall we?
So, where do I begin? Well the beginning right? Wrong. Since the beginning of this quarantine I’ve been doing extensive soul searching. Learning myself, plunging deep into the depths of my true self, and loving every second of it. I’m going to be honest, this was a lot of work, which then required a lot of sleep at times, and an immense lack of sleep at times. But all in all, definitely worth it. The initial reason for my hiatus was to find myself and honestly, I did. But along the way I discovered a lot of things that I believe are valuable to my blog. Starting with how important it is to truly know yourself. I’ve learned that a lot of us don’t know ourselves the way we think we do. Like at all... not even a little bit. I’ve included myself in that sentence because earlier this year I had no idea who I was, and it SHOWED. I’m an observer. I notice a lot of things, such as traits and habits that people have. People who don’t love themselves exhibit a few obvious traits, and weirdly, I always notice them immediately. I’d like to believe the reason for this is because I too have had these traits, but I did the work to get rid of them. I’ve digressed. The first trait is kind of simple. People who don’t love themselves simply cannot accept healthy love of any kind, from anyone. Most of the lessons I touch on here are those I’ve personally learned. However, this particular trait, I recognized in someone else. But let’s discuss what this means. When you don’t love yourself, I fully believe that you don’t know yourself. You don’t know your limits, you don’t know your triggers, what makes you happy, you’re just all over the place. Because you don’t know, or love yourself, you’re literally incapable of accepting healthy love. For instance, in my case, I recognized this trait in a good friend of mine. It didn’t matter how good I was to them, how much I supported and loved them, they simply could not accept the fact that someone, who was healthy, actually loved them properly and treated them well. This trait is so dangerous because it can cause you to lose a lot of good genuine people. Not to mention the projection that comes with this as well. People who can’t accept or recognize healthy love will forever keep themselves in the victim mindset. Which is the second trait I’ll be discussing today.
The victim mindset. I’ve got a lot... I mean a lot of experience with this one. Now, I have yet to give my full testimony here. But what I will say is I’ve been through... a handle full of traumatic situations throughout my lifetime. More recently, a traumatic experience caused me to really plunge into being a “victim”. At first I hadn’t recognized it, so much was going on I really didn’t take the time to notice this in myself (a.k.a. self-reflection). But that’s why God gave us parents and family members to set us straight when we trippin, and they certainly told me that I needed to get it together, and quick. This mindset does nothing for you but hold you back. Continuously thinking that you’re a victim keeps you in that traumatic experience. Once I realized that I am no longer a victim, and that I’m a survivor, life was different for me. What happened to me wasn’t and isn’t who I am, but it happened. I began to move differently because I no longer thought of myself as damaged and traumatized, but I’m an overcomer and I am stronger than ever. Honestly we as people have got to do away with this victim mindset. This in combination with not loving or knowing yourself? Lethal. To yourself and anyone that’s around you. It makes people not want to help you in any capacity because you aren’t even trying to help yourself. You’re like a grown baby that expects people to cater to you all because you don’t want to do the work to heal. Newsflash baby: That’s not even how life works. Now of course I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t explain how I transitioned from one mindset to the other, and if you know me, you know the first thing I’m gonna recommend is always what? Therapy. Therapy has been the number two (after my good God) thing that’s helped me on my journey. As I always tell y’all... I think everyone needs to be in therapy. Therapy gives you an outlet, a safe space to release emotions, and an unbiased person to listen to all your mess without judgement. Trust me, therapy is the one, sis. Get you some.
Lastly, the true importance of self-love. I know I’ve discussed self-reflection, taking out our trash, and more. This letter is basically a compilation of them all. I could speak on self-reflection for the rest of my life and honestly I would never finish on the topic. There’s so much that comes with self-reflection so if you haven’t already noticed, it’ll be a constant topic on this blog. It’s so important I cannot stress it enough! You can’t even begin your self-love journey if you don’t take the time to reflect on yourself. The only way you’ll recognize the traits previously discussed, is through self-reflection. I mean really y’all how many times do I need to say it? I hope y’all get my point by now. But seriously, self-love starts with the realization that you need to make a change. Maybe you aren’t exactly where you want to be in life, and you recognize the fact that you aren’t either who you say you are, or who you want to be. This is where you begin your journey. I honestly believe that some people may be afraid to start their journey and I completely understand why. A lot of times we are so quick to identify issues in everyone else that we neglect the issues that stare back at us in the mirror everyday. We’re so scared to face our issues and, to keep it real, our demons, that we just let them run wild and destroy the good parts of us. That’s really not any way to live. You have to love you, for you. Whatever that means, whatever that looks like. It’s not for anyone to tell you how to do, or how fast. Your journey is for you to do at your own pace, on your own time, but baby, it must be done. If you don’t love you, how in the world can you expect anyone else to love you? This was the main question that helped me change my entire life around. I figured out who I wanted to be, how I wanted to be deep in my soul. In the beginning I honestly had no idea, but I knew one thing, I wanted to be happy. And baby I am so happy. Not for anyone else, not because of anyone else, but because I made the decision to heal and learn and love, Me.
So this is only the beginning, y’all know I can talk for days, but honestly the world needs more love. The self-love message needs to be spread across the world because it is so important. Take the time to love yourself. It’s so worth it. You are so worth it. And if nothing else, you deserve some good love, especially from yourself. Thanks so much for reading this.
W. Love,
Noelle
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