Hey, lovelies! How are we doing? I pray all is well. Unfortunately for me, these last few weeks have been a little on the rough side. Now as I’ve stated before, my goal with the self-love blog is to be completely transparent in my journey. That includes the good, bad, ugly, blood, sweat, and tears. So let’s dive right into this week's topic: Dealing with Depression. I have battled with depression for a few years now. Throughout these years, I’ve learned unhealthy ways to deal with depression, and more recently, healthy ways to deal with depression. This is a difficult topic for me to discuss, mainly because I didn’t know where to start, and I’ve written and erased this letter so many times trying to find the right words to say, or the right direction to take this but God is always on time.
It wasn’t until recently that I learned how to manage my depression. I use the word manage because it’s no cure, and I know that depression is still going to come, especially during my healing period. So instead of allowing it to completely take over my life and cause my healing process to start all over, I’ve been managing it. I’ve learned two very important concepts: first, I have power over my mind, regardless of what negative thing my mind is trying to tell me. The second, identifying my triggers and what to do with myself when I’m triggered.
As previously stated, I’ve battled, more like struggled, with depression for a good while now. During this “good while” I’ve developed some very unhealthy coping mechanisms as well as habits. I leaned on unhealthy coping mechanisms, drugs, alcohol, sex, toxic relationships, self-harm, etc., because I allowed my depressive mind to take over my life. Not being mentally strong enough to pull myself out of overwhelmingly sad times led to me literally doing anything I could to numb myself. That is the most unhealthy thing I promise you. Being numb does not last forever, and eventually, those same feelings you’re trying to numb will be right back haunting you sooner than you think. While learning the two concepts aforementioned, I’ve also been blessed to have what I call a “realization period”. During which I’ve realized that I, in fact, DO have the victory over depression. And though I’m low right now, I don’t have to let it win. Which then lead me to the realization that I actually have the power over my mind. I can control my thoughts and how they make me feel. Typically the first thing I’d do when finding myself depressed is to go to one of those unhealthy coping mechanisms. Instead of trying to unhealthily cope, try managing your depression. Managing it is just a healthier way to cope with it, as well as a way to heal through it. So instead of trying to be numb through your depression, try feeling the emotions. Identifying how you’re feeling, why, and the root cause of the emotions is a sure path to healing. In order to heal, we must feel, and I’m still trying to come to terms with that because ... I don’t wanna feel this! But I’ve realized that I have to. Because for so long I’ve suppressed bad feelings which in turn affected every part of me up to my adult life. I had no idea how toxic I was until I did some self-reflecting and took therapy seriously. I highly recommend therapy for everyone, but especially those struggling with depression. You have to talk. As bad as it hurts. It doesn’t matter what your mind is telling you, all the negative thoughts aren’t true and you’ll realize this once you talk to someone. Hearing yourself say the negative thoughts you have out loud, to another person, helps heal you in some weird way. Hearing thoughts out loud always helps you make more sense of things.
I’ve gone through a lot which resulted in struggling with depression for years. Traumatic experiences that haven’t been dealt with seriously do lead to mental illnesses. Going through things is hard, but in order to live life to the fullest, you have to deal with whatever you’ve been through. Triggers are what happens when we’re reminded of a traumatic experience and those same feelings have resurfaced. (Urban dictionary definition here if you’d like a more in-depth definition https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Triggered). There was a point in my life that everything triggered me. And that was because so many traumatic things had happened and I hadn’t dealt with a single one of them, I suppressed them and numbed myself. It honestly wasn’t until I got tired of “numbing” not working that I decided to try other ways of dealing with myself when I’m triggered. I’ve always been somewhat self-aware (emphasis on somewhat) so I was aware of my triggers. If you aren’t sure what your triggers are, your best bet is to handle that in therapy. Figuring it out on your own may be detrimental for you so I don’t advise it. But If you feel as though you can handle it on your own, then you have to reminisce about the traumatic events you’ve been through and identify with how those events made you feel and that’s when you’ll be able to pinpoint your triggers. But AGAIN, definitely, don’t recommend doing that on your own.
Once you’re comfortable with simply knowing what triggers you, you can then coach yourself through, what I call, “the shock.” The shock for me is literally just because I be shocked when I’m triggered like almost mad that I find myself triggered again because to me it’s just like “wow sis, we here again? Yeah, sis we here again.” But instead of beating myself up for something I haven’t learned to control just yet, I’ve learned to learn how to control it. Whew, that was a lot I’ll explain. A lot of times we like to “victim blame” ourselves because something has happened to us. In all reality it isn’t our fault, our minds just like to trick us into thinking it is. Instead of blaming yourself for being triggered (something I tend to do) try babying yourself. Being extremely kind, extremely understanding, and extremely gentle with yourself truly goes a long way during the shock period. Talking to yourself is always beneficial and I’m honestly not sure where the negative connotation of that even came from. You’re not crazy if you talk to yourself. Period Pooh. Saying things like “I know we’re not feeling good right this moment, but it will be okay” is a positive way to identify your feelings and redirect your mind from the negativity. The next thing you need to do is to just love yourself but physically. I won’t go through all of the “self-love” tasks, instead, I’ll say do whatever calms you and keeps you calm. That can literally be anything. But it MUST be healthy. We’re all about healthy self-love around here.
Having gone through everything I’ve gone through, I’m well aware that none of what I just said is an overnight process. But consistency truly is key. Don’t get upset with yourself if you find that you keep going back to unhealthy coping mechanisms when triggered. It is okay. It isn’t easy. What truly matters is that you’re trying to be healthy. It is hard, but I promise in the end it is worth it and you will thank yourself. Reading positive affirmations and the bible daily is also beneficial during your healing process.
I really do have so much more to say about this so there MIGHT be a part two. We shall see. Thanks so much for reading. Stay strong in yourself and remember you are not what happened to you. You are you despite what happened to you. Remember to keep going no matter how dark it seems because morning is coming. Psalms chapter 30 verse 5 says, "For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
W. Love,
Noelle.
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